i must say doing nothing in the country is little better than doing nothing in the city. vodka for breakfast? that goes without saying, but as mama told me i put some frozen grapes for nutrition.
"oh no they didn't! where are the eggs i laid this morning? bitches, i shit on those eggs!"
yeah don't get all aroused. this is as naked as you'll ever see me (wait, did i just hear someone throw up?). i was fully clothed, t shirts and shorts. never nudes' unite and take over!
"sweetie, i said no pictures at the chateau!"
"ok, but i feel sexy all tanned and black! do one fast!" people, she does tan.
hot chicken daddy! his eyes were paul newman blue! hot! i wanted to dive right into those blues (if i knew how to swim!).
why is it always 26 year old, married with 2 kids, pool guy that rocks your shorts off (if i wasn't a never nude)?
"sweetie, you got to be joking. you can't swim? hahahaha retard!" i failed to learn how to swim even though i was in boyscout from 2nd to 6th grade. i can't swim but i can sink like titanic bitches!"
and you thought all great synchronized swimmers were from canada. mama raised the bar!
is that a bird? is that a dolphin? it's shannon but don't you dare call her shamu the killer whale! she'll cut you with her balenciaga!
grandma: "what? americans synchronize swim too, eh?"
i guess it was blue swim shorts day and no one bothered to tell me.
"hey 'never nude' who can't swim! look at us, we are so cool in our blue swim suits!"
"hold up, hanuk said it was water but after a sip of that water my steps are light as air! wtf, am i drunk?"
"what? small? no, water shrinks it! it's bigger! mama better get out of the pool! mama's muy muy macho!"